Podcast 4 - Q&A
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Hi there and welcome. For two decades, I've been a global speaker to big groups around the world. With my educational background in teaching and framework design has supported my strength to coach, to consult people with diverse backgrounds. Languages, unique communication styles, personalities, beliefs.
Taking all of this into consideration with each individual. By actively listening, I develop a framework that meets their individual needs, and I adapt my teaching style to better support their learning. Effective communication isn't about talking. It's about listening and understanding the unique needs and interests of your audience.
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Today's podcast is a q and a session, and I asked my Facebook group what their top questions are, and I have a few of them and I want to answer them for you now.
So q and A [00:01:00] session. Here we go. Number one question really, if, if I had to go through my Facebook group, my email list, people I talk to clients. Students that I have, the biggest question is, how can I improve my communication skills? How can I best improve my communication skills?
I think I would answer that by saying, how are you doing it now? How do you communicate now? That's such a broad question, and it's about finding the holes that you have in your communication. For example, maybe you're really great at communicating one-on-one or in a very small group, but when you are asked to communicate or talk with three or four or 10 people, it's really difficult for you.
So when you ask, how do I improve my communication skills, my question is, what parts are do you feel really good about when you communicate? And we would go over those. Where are the gaps? We would talk about the pieces that you're not so great at.
Maybe it's really [00:02:00] hard for you to understand that cultural piece where, why are they looking at me like that? They're looking at you like that because this is a learned behavior in their culture. They're doing it out of respect where you might think they're not doing it out of respect. So it's those little pieces that you wanna think, where am I strong?
Where do I need to improve? And as expert, multilingual communicators, it's more than just the language itself. A huge part of it is confidence and that high anxiety that we get when we have have to speak. So when you ask the question, How do I improve my communication skills, I can give you all the tips and the tricks and strategies.
How will those help you? If you have anxiety right before it's time to have that one-on-one conversation in a new language or that one-on-one conversation with a boss, or you have to negotiate with a client if you have no confidence or if your [00:03:00] anxiety is really high. None of the simulations or the role plays or the workshops that we've gone through are gonna be effective unless your confidence is really solid.
I would say let's work on your confidence through more experiences that will get your communication skills where you want them to be. Oh my gosh. The first time I had to stand up in front of a group of peers, friends who were, well, they weren't friends, they were work peers. I was in a meeting and I had to give a presentation, and I was so nervous.
I knew I was gonna be nervous, so what I did is I prepared. It's good to prepare, right? I had note cards. I had written everything down. So during the meeting, guess what I did? Everyone was staring at me. I imagined everyone who was not smiling at me or if they were smiling at me, they were laughing at me. If they were frowning, they were bored and they thought I should just sit down.
I had all these stories for [00:04:00] everybody who I was talking to. I kept my eyes on the note cards because if I looked at someone and they didn't have the right look on their face, then I would fall apart. So I just kept looking at my note cards and someone recorded at this, this meeting, this presentation, and it was just horrible.
But the good news is, is through time and experience, I became more confident. And then I didn't need note cards anymore because I just, I had that confidence and I knew if they were laughing, they were laughing, who knows why? and it just, it didn't occur to me to worry about it as much. I still get nervous when I have to do a presentation, but I also know that everyone's in their kind of their own space, and they're gonna have their own facial expressions.
They're gonna have their own things going on during that communication with them. So, improving your communication skills is a lifelong process, right But I'll give you some quick tips. So, number one, practice active listening. And I think I talk about this in all my [00:05:00] podcasts, is this listening, this active listening means focusing on the speaker. Right there you're focusing on someone else. You're not focusing on yourself. And so your anxiety, you will be surprised at how that dissipates, how it goes away when you're actually focusing on what someone else is saying. You're not thinking about your response. You're not thinking, oh, I don't have the right words, or I don't know what to say.
Oh, people are gonna think I'm stupid, or people aren't gonna understand. You're not gonna be distracted. It involves asking questions and clarifying points to ensure that you understand the message. So what you're doing is you are listening and you are thinking about what they are saying. Nothing else.
It takes practice. It's a lifelong process, but it's a start. Okay? How to improve your communication. Practice active listening. Also practice empathy along with active listening. Try this. Put yourself in their shoes. Empathy is the ability to [00:06:00] understand and share the feelings of others. So when communicating, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and consider their perspective. And this can help you tailor your message to their needs and build stronger relationships.
You're hearing what they need, you're hearing the gaps wh they don't where The problem is, and you can pick up on that, just through listening and having empathy and putting that you're putting yourself in their shoes Another way to improve your communication skills is to use nonverbal cues, and this just means facial expressions, body language, tone of voice can greatly influence how your message is received, right?
Be mindful of your non-verbal cues, not your verbal cues, but how are you standing like this? Are you like your shoulders are hunched? What's your tone of voice? And I can go on and on about public speaking and your tone of voice and sounding like a [00:07:00] robot or. So, convey your message effectively by using your non-verbal cues, okay?
Ways to improve your communication. Also get feedback. And this is a hard one cause you don't want someone to say, you don't wanna hear something negative. And I don't know, it just, but it can be helpful to ask for feedback on your communication skills, right? From colleagues or from friends or from family members.
So ask for specific areas where you could improve and work on those areas. For example, your non-verbal body language. Maybe get feedback, ask someone, can you, I'm gonna have a, I'm gonna do a presentation and then afterwards please give me feedback on how my tone was of my voice, or how my non-verbal body language was.
Okay. Get feedback. And then last read and learn. There are many resources available to help improve communication skills. There's books, there's YouTube videos, there's courses. So take advantage of all of these resources. There's [00:08:00] apps, but the apps for expert multilingual learners, speakers, communicators are not as comprehensive in the areas that you need.
Those resources are amazing and can help, but effective communication strategies that you're looking for, like the nonverbal cues, the feedback, practicing empathy, you know the active listening pieces of it. Take simulation, take roleplaying, take real life social connection. so q and A is happening here.
We're talking about how I can improve my communication skills.
Number two, another question that I get asked is,
How can I communicate more a assertively and more confidently? I forget what it is that I'm gonna say when it's time to say it. So I end up not saying anything at all. That's a big one. So assertive communication.
Practice.
I [00:09:00] practiced a few years back. I was having a huge, very important meeting and I knew it would be a very emotional, and I knew a lot of people would have things to say in this meeting. So I practiced and I practiced and I practiced so I wouldn't have to read my note cards.
So I would know exactly what it is that I needed to say. And then I actually started the meeting and we were all sitting around and I had all of these eyes on me. And I let sort of that anxiety get into my seep, into my communication. And I pretty much forgot what it is that I really wanted to say. So I, somebody was there to help me get started.
And then once I started, and the more I spoke the more the communication, the right communication happened. So remember that assertive communication takes practice and effort. You can't just practice your note cards, right? You actually have to get into the situation.
But this assertive communication can help you build [00:10:00] stronger relationships and it can help reduce stress and you can achieve your goals more effectively as well, right?
Start by practicing assertive communication in small situations, maybe with one or two people or three people, and then work your way up to more challenging ones, because with time and with effort, you can become more assertive and a more effective communicator at, at work or in your community, right? So just some simple tips to have a style of communication that's more assertive and friendly.
It doesn't have to be, ah, I want this, give it to me, right? But you want your thoughts, your feelings, and your needs to be met in a clear and respectful way. And you wanna be open to others' viewpoints still too. So number one, use I statements. Because if you don't, it sounds like this, and I'll use my kids as an example.
You never wash the dishes. I always have to do it. You leave the table and you go out and you play with your friends. How does that [00:11:00] sound? Right? To my kids. So instead I use I statements. I have so much work tonight. I would really love to have your help so we can get the dishes washed, I can get my work done, and then we can watch a movie together.
So using I statements is powerful, right? When ex, when When expressing your opinion or your needs, I feel I need, instead of using accusatory language, like you never listen to me. That's more accusatory So number two, be clear and specific. And this can be a challenge as well, and it's a lifelong process, but clearly communicating your message and being specific
about what you want is more powerful than being vague or ambiguous. for example, being vague or ambiguous. Those statements can be interpreted in different ways. And I actually am really guilty of being vague, passive aggressive, [00:12:00] sort of saying, oh, well it's gonna be a long day for me today.
I gotta stay late at work again cuz I have all of this, this work I have to do and I have to wash the dishes. Am I being clear and specific? No, nobody's gonna help me. But if I change that to say, I need your help washing the dishes so I can get my work done so I can be free later, that's just more clear and specific.
Listen, actively. There it is again, active listening, right? When communicating assertively, listen, listen, listen.
Because what you hear them say gives you an opening, kind of gives you power when you are actually listening to someone else, you're hearing their point of view, which really gives you a lot of context to work with.
And then you can ask questions and show interest in their point of view. It helps move things along and and get things done. You do wanna avoid aggressive or passive communication. You don't wanna blame others or attack others. That will [00:13:00] create conflict. But you don't wanna not express your needs. You don't wanna just shove it down and not express it either because that's not healthy.
You are not happy. you have to sort of have a balance between these two extremes. Being aggressive and not expressing what you really want. You have to find a happy. Effective middle ground to communicate this in the workplace. Okay. Another way to be assertive is practice saying no. Oh, is this a lifelong lesson or what?
You wanna do your best. You wanna impress people. You want to get a raise. You want people to look at you as competent and smart. So you say yes, but assertive communication involves being able to say no when necessary. So practice saying no in a respectful and clear way. And one more is practice using positive language at work.
When I hear someone say, or talk about someone behind their back, oh, this person at work, she does not know what she's doing, she does not communicate [00:14:00] well, and blah, blah, blah. Don't be that person and use positive language. When, when you wanna be assertive, use positive language. Focus on what you need, not instead of what you don't want.
For example, say I want to meet the objective during this meeting. I want to have the customers happy. Instead of saying, I don't want angry customers, I don't want to leave this meeting without answers, without an objective, put a positive spin to it. remember this communication, it takes practice, but think about the strong relationship you'll make with yourself, your cohorts with the people you work with, with the customers, you'll have less stress. It'll reduce your stress to come out of a situation more assertive with what you want and everybody's happy, and be kind to yourself because you're learning it's lifelong. Start by practicing in small situations with little problems and work your way up to the bigger, more challenging problems.
And, and with time and effort, you can [00:15:00] become a more assertive and resilient and effective communicator at work and, and in your community.
Thank you so much for listening and being part of this podcast. If you enjoyed it and you want more, if you have any questions, visit my social media channels. They are listed below the podcast and show notes, and I can be founded irene McCann consulting.com. Have a great week, have a great weekend.
Communicate well with each other.
