Working Through Behavior to Support Student Success

It's been a few weeks since I blogged. This week’s blog almost didn’t happen.

How could it? At every turn, I have to recalibrate and start again...

I sit down to write a sentence, and someone appears with a math book in hand, needing help. Naturally, I work with them and send them off to try for themselves. Then, I grab my coffee, ready for a meeting, only to hear:

"I'm not doing it. I'm reading instead"

I get them settled, motivated, and clear on their tasks—thinking I’ll finally have a moment to focus. I open my slides for an upcoming workshop, and moments later, the internet goes out. Then, a shouting match erupts in the next room—over a pencil.

Eventually, I steal a quiet hour to focus on a project for work. When I peek out, I’m greeted by evidence of an afternoon that somehow feels more chaotic than productive. I really want them to wash their dishes. It's something we've talked about every day.

Evening creeps closer, and I sigh. Another day of not getting where I wanted to get.

This wasn’t the blog I planned to write today. But here I am, and I know exactly what these moments are telling me.

When chaos invades my space like this, it’s not really about the interruptions or the mess. It’s about something I am missing about the student: unmet needs, misaligned expectations, or missing skills.

I wasn’t specific about whether these “students” were in a classroom or my 11-year-old twins working at home while I also was trying to work at home—because these interruptions and behaviors happen. Anywhere. As a parent or an educator. They are part of life.

Take the student, who can communicate, and who refused to do math. She has a diagnosis of being autistic. Maybe the task felt too hard or they lacked confidence in solving it without support. Do I let the diagnosis drive my response to her behavior?

I have learned... trying to guess their problem is not my strong suit. Talking with my MTSS team at school and coming to our conclusions is just that, our best guess based on what we think we know. How could we possibly know why a student is doing what they are doing unless we ask? I can't possibly know why my daughter won't finish her work unless she has the calculator in hand, now. 

Instead of focusing on guessing why they are using "bad behavior" to communicate, Ross Greene would suggest empathy: finding out what’s getting in the way and collaborating with the student to solve the problem together.

Talk to the student.

Behavior Is Communication

Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model fundamentally changed how I view challenging behaviors, whether at home or in the classroom. His guiding principle, “Kids do well if they can,” is a reminder that struggles often stem from unsolved problems or lagging skills—not defiance or bad attitudes.

Take the student who refused to do math without a calculator. It wasn’t about being stubborn. It also wasn't about her being autistic. It was about frustration—about the task being too hard and a lack of confidence around trying to solve the problems. I know because I asked her (later that day when she and I were on a walk) Greene’s approach would suggest starting with empathy:

• What’s getting in the way?
• How can we solve this together?

The shouting match over a pencil wasn’t really about the pencil. As my daughter later shared, she was already overwhelmed by earlier challenges. When I stopped to listen, I realized the morning’s internet outage had thrown her off track. Instead of working on her favorite online math program as we had planned, she was stuck with a workbook—a boring, unexpected change. 

When the internet came back, I turned on her math program, and her mood shifted immediately. Not only because she could move forward as she had planned, but because:

✔ Her expectations aligned. ✔ She felt understood. ✔ The work was just right for her.

This moment reinforced what Greene advocates: collaboration. Instead of imposing solutions or trying to manage behavior through force or rewards, the student was involved in solving the problem.

What’s Getting in Their Way?

In education, it’s easy to fall into the trap of labeling behavior and jumping to conclusions. We look to strategies and action steps that seem easy and fast, but Greene’s approach challenges us to dig deeper.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with this student?” CPS reframes the question:

❌ What’s wrong with them? ✅ What’s making this hard for them?

For educators, this means stepping away from "We better call the parents in again..." or quick guesses based on similar students we've had in the past, quick fixes and cookie-cutter strategies. It means recognizing that no single curriculum, diagnostic label, or intervention works universally. Students need individualized solutions that address their specific needs—and they are part of the process.

Take the time to collaborate with the student. Ask questions like:

• What’s going on?
• What’s making this hard for you?
• What might help make it easier?

This approach not only addresses the current issue but also gives students problem-solving skills (and confidence) they can carry forward. If used often, they can start internalizing this process and using it with others as they grow older.