Expat Single Parent in Bali (or Asia): 3 Tips That Make Daily Expat Life Easier and More Enjoyable

As a single expat parent of 10-year-old twins and a 14-year-old boy (and an 18 year old back in the US), I haven’t always put consistent effort into creating healthy habits for myself, whether it be hobbies, self-care, or even morning coffee.  

As any parent knows, days are mostly focused on all the stuff that needs to get done. Meals, bedtime, school activities, friends, clean teeth, and negotiating healthy lifestyle choices so that I raise amazing kids. Single parents also have to make time to pay bills, grocery shop, and keep up with laundry.  Add to that finding the hours to work on a business and bring in money.  Not a lot of time left in the day. Days fly by! 

Part of the reason I moved to Bali was to get away from the rat race and have a better quality life with my kids. My vision was to do my entrepreneurial work while sitting in a small cafe near a beach while my kids were at school, sipping an iced latte, and enjoying the sound of the tropics…birds and ocean waves. A life that moved slower and with more meaning. When you have kids, no matter where you are in the world, this is an elusive dream. I found I was slowly letting the daily grind seep back into our day-to-day lifestyle. Busy mornings getting ready for school, commuting for almost an hour, meetings, and then, back home to get ready for kids to come home. I wasn’t living my full vision!

I reached out for help by asking the single expat parent community, which is thriving here in Bali. Each parent has their own unique set of habits to meet their personal family values. Here are 3 top tips I’ve found worked for my family, to find more quality time during our busy days.  

1. Me Time

This seems like an overused cliché term.  But it’s a number one tip.  It’s like when you are on an airplane, and the flight attendant tells you what to do if the cabin loses air pressure.  You are advised to put your mask on first.  If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have oxygen to take care of others.  

What does time for yourself look like to you?  For some, it means a massage every week, going for a walk or run, meeting up with friends for a coffee, or a night on the town. For me, twice a week practicing yoga and breathwork helps give our family’s busy schedule calm and focus. I’m a better parent. Plus, I feel really positive and focused internally, which helps with family management. I suppose if I could do it every day, or even every other day, that would be even better, but I’m trying to create a healthy habit that I won’t quit, so I’ll start with twice a week. It goes on my calendar. I feel great after and my mood improves, and I get more done because I’m focused.

Another “me-time” is actually created out of chores, or housework, that needs to get done. I’m getting work done while fulfilling “me-time” values. We have adopted a Bali dog who needs to get walked each morning. I could nag my kids to do it, but getting up before my kids, making a cup of coffee, and taking our dog, Inji,  to Pererenan Beach for exercise gets the dog walked, and gives me a chance to write in my journal, or at least, create a schedule for the day, while I sit on the beach and let Inji run around and play.  I love the quiet of the morning. My whole day runs better when I do this. It has become a habit of mine. When I don’t do it, I feel one step behind for the rest of the day. 

2. Work in a Coworking Space

When I first began as an entrepreneur, holding Zoom meetings and working from home was a dream come true. Soon enough, I came to realize it was no longer a dream come true. It was chaos, at best. I’d try to focus but being in the same space I lived in with my kids was uninspiring. I’d get sidetracked easily. If the kids were home, it was hands-down a disaster. Interrupted every 10 minutes, work didn’t get done. A friend suggested a coworking space. In Bali, cafes and restaurants have become coworking spaces. If you walk into one, you’ll see people sipping drinks, headphones on, work getting done.  Some spaces are created solely to work, with small office spaces for meetings or recording videos. They are free or have a minimal monthly fee. Why is it, when I sit in one of these spaces, for 2 or 3 hours, my work is done faster? It’s a more enjoyable experience and I get better results. In addition, there are ample networking opportunities. Bali is a small island, and opportunities have opened up just by striking up a conversation with those around me. Oh, and an important quick tip…buy headphones. You’ll thank me.

3. Family Night

You would think every night for a single parent is family night. You are right, it is. It seems like we are always together, especially in this expat life of ours. It’s not the quality life I’d pictured.  We have been known to have weekends or nights where we are in the same house, but we aren’t communicating.  Everyone is doing their own thing.

Evenings are a time when I decompress. My kids do too. When they were younger, they used to hang out in a common space together, play together.  However, they now go into their rooms and do their things, video games, talk with friends, and sleep. 

Just like making "me-time" work by pairing something I want to do with something I have to do, I’ve found that pairing something I have to do with something I want to do is the only way I can fit it all in. So, I’m going old school here. Remember chores? Jobs kids do around the house? As an expat, we have access to housecleaners, cooks, gardeners, and nannies. My kids don’t have to do chores. However, there are still nights I have to make dinner, and I have to wash the dishes. We have to put things away or sort laundry.  Not a choice. Going out every night isn’t an option for us. We are in a position now where my 14-year-old can help me make dinner once a week. My younger ones can set the table, take out the trash, or wash dishes. I’m hovering while these things are happening. I keep myself busy in the kitchen and give them “chores”.  This brings us together as a family, instead of each person playing alone in their rooms. As I am doing this or that in the kitchen, the work turns into talking, which turns into full-on conversations, and I get quality time with my kids. I win! Teach them how to chop, make rice, or fill an ice tray. Even choosing dinner music on Alexa has become my daughter's chore of choice. Simple tasks for kids and quality time with my kids. Disclaimer: I can only do it once a week. The kids know we do this every Tuesday night.  Otherwise, I don’t see myself as loving this time anymore. I don’t want it to become stressful and unenjoyable. We go out some nights, and some nights I want to just get food on the table because we have other stuff to do. But one night a week, I’m keeping it as something special.

Family night, coworking spaces, and making “me time” a habit are 3 major game changers as a single parent expat family.  I’d love to know what your expat tips are.